Finals week homework is killing me so I’ve decided to be an excellent, cliché college student and do what everyone else does-procrastinate. This means I will be providing you with a slew of varied metal news and info.

First off, it was announced today that the autopsy report for Cory Smoot was released. It stated that Cory died from a coronary artery thrombosis (and for all of us that are not in the medical field that is a heart attack). Cory had previously suffered from coronary artery disease which had brought about the heart attack. It is still a very tragic event and we all wish GWAR and the Smoot family the best.   RIP

More unhappy news- Legendary blues guitarist Hubert Sumlin passed away at 80 years old on Sunday due to heart failure. For you all who aren’t educated on your blues music he was most known for playing guitar for blues legend Howlin’ Wolf. After Wolf’s death he went on to make a handful of successful solo records- and out of this came four Grammy nominations. He was extremely influential to many guitar icons such as Hendrix, Clapton and many others. It was guitarists like him that helped shaped the music we all appreciate today and he will always be remembered for it. RIP

On a lighter note Zakk Wylde will be gettin roasted next month in the first ever Guitar World Rock & Roll Roast! What makes it even more awesome is the fact that it is being hosted by Sharon Osbourne. Who else will be there? How about Jim Florentine, Ozzy Osbourne, Scott Ian, Corey Taylor, Jim Norton, Brian Posehn, Chris Jericho, and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. It will be the kick off for the NAMM Convention 2012 (which, if you weren’t aware, isn’t open to the public).Oh how I wish I could go. I’m hoping they record it. It is being held on January 19th at the Grove of Anaheim.  What is also cool about this is that 25% of the proceeds are going to the MusiCares charity. Seriously, I hope they record it.

Alright so it feels like the last month has been quite saturated with Lamb of God news-and I think that is because it has been. But we can never have too much LOG. So a few new things- “Resolution” is now available on iTunes for preorder for $11.99. And you can now purchase the single “Ghost Walking” for $1.29. I’m sure you all heard it about 100 times now. I’ve lost count. I love the classic Randy Blythe vocals. Riff wise it’s quite catchy but I’m thinking they could go a bit heavier-and probably will on other tracks off the CD. I STILL AM SO STOKED! Also Blythe blew up twitter after going to read the comments about “Ghost Walking” on Blabbermouth yesterday. (As you should know twitter has a 160 character limit to each tweet to I had to string all of his tweets together into one. His rant was awesomely long and ridiculously entertaining.) “So I’m about to go on Blabbermouth (which I normally avoid religiously) to check out the comments on ‘Ghost Walking’. I need a good laugh. I’m grinning ear to ear right now after reading Blabbermouth- they HATE IT, so I’ll sleep extra-soundly knowing we done good once again. I normally don’t read Blabbermouth because when somebody I know dies (unfortunately this has happened a few times recently), or even when somebody tries to do something GOOD (charity, etc.), some fucking tool on there starts talking shit- ‘Oh, too bad they didn’t die sooner’  or ‘Fucking asshole should raise $ to buy a gun & shoot himself’- these are real things I have read about people I know. So I try to avoid that site like the plague. But a new track or lamb of god record comes out? I LOVE READING THE BASHINGS. It’s unbelievably amusing to me. It is just so fucking funny to me, picturing these dudes hunched over their computers, tapping bravely away on their keyboards. I just love the imagery for some reason. Plus I love raising critical bile, & if Blabbermouth is good for anything, it’s a bunch of self-appointed music experts spewing forth a bunch of hateful bullshit! So now I’ve gotten my fill til the record comes out. Let the bashing begin!” Oh my god, Randall Blythe, you are awesome and I completely and totally agree with you. But back to the music-in addition to releasing the single, the band also released the lyric video for it. I thought it was pretty cool. If you haven’t seen it here it is. And if you have, here it is again.


And on a related note, this picture cracks me up every time. The most metal boy scout troop of all time! You know it was adults who were the confused one’s in this situation. Obviously none of them listen to metal. I’m thinking they wouldn’t have been as confused if LOG’s logo was more in a black metal type font.


And some more news! French tech-death band Gorod have started mixing their new album. The album is scheduled to drop early 2012. The band will also be touring Europe for the “Omnivium Europe 2012” tour that goes down in March and April. And to keep fans updated they recently posted a studio update which you can view here.

If you have ever had troubles identifying your metal subgenres, here is a helpful tool that you can use to educate yourself. While stumbling (I’m an avid user of Stumblupon) I came across this piece of work from poster Mankvill on MetalStorm.net. Now you will have clarity discerning the difference between your subgenres.

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave…….. without the princess.
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That’s the end of the sad story.
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the ‘HEAVY METAL’ protagonist.
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire

Also in the spirit of the holiday season I give you a pretty entertaining and kick-ass Christmas CD entitled “We Wish You A Metal Christmas And A Headbanging New Year”. It features tons of metal and rock and roll icons such as Alice Cooper, Ronnie James Dio, Geoff Tate, Scott Ian, Doro Pesch, and seriously, TONS others. It has all of your favorite holiday tunes such as “Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer”, “Frosty The Snowman”, “Silent Night”, and of course “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer”. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. And the riffs are actually pretty catchy but it’s so hard to take it seriously once they start singing- not that you are supposed to. It really is quite funny to listen to. But seriously, the holidays can suck and especially the music. So here is an awesome way to stay festive and metal at the same time. Brutality squared right there. I’m not going to say that your parents will enjoy it but that way you can at least appear like you are trying to keep up the holiday spirit.

Also it is Randy Rhoad’s birthday today- he would have been 55 years old today. Here is some awesome footage of him tearing it up to “Crazy Train”.



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